Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
