I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
