Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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