you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
