dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
