I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
