respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
