Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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