I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
