i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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