I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
