I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
