I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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