The maid of honor just puked.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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