Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
