His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
