Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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