I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
