I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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