went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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