Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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