I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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