we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
