Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
