Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
