I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
