great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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