i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
