I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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