she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
