I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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