so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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