Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize