in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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