It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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