I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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