so that wasnt chicken after all
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
