New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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