He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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