At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
