The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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