I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize