just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
