And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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