I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
