saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm like, not good at living.
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