News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
