i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
