There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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