on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
