I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
