He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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