wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
