weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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