and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think your dad took our porno
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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