I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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