Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
