i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
