Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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