All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I love having hate sex.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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