Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
