hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
