The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize