i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
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my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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