I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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