she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
