Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't turn off my feet"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
