Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
