If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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