I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
